


Here at the Opening of the Gates

by goldenegg31



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: #JewishComicsDay, Gen, Jewish Character, Jewish Holidays, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, SHIELD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 16:54:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7061245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenegg31/pseuds/goldenegg31
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wonders how presumptuous he is, to stand here on Rosh Hashanah and cast away his sins, when all his life's work for SHIELD was actually for Hydra.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here at the Opening of the Gates

**Author's Note:**

> Written for #JewishComicsDay on Tumblr. Thanks to [ recordsofme](http://recordsofme.tumblr.com/) for betaing this for me.

As he walks toward the Tidal Basin, he adjusts his yarmulke and stares in the direction of the building which had once been SHIELD HQ. He could have gone somewhere closer to home, more private, but throwing away his sins near his old work building feels right. So he’d gotten up ridiculously early to avoid the tourists. Not that there are anywhere near as many as during the Cherry Blossom Festival or the summer, but he wants as few witnesses as possible. He isn’t even sure if what he’s planning to do is technically legal, since any goyim there will probably think he’s throwing bread in the water to feed the ducks.

He isn’t there to feed the ducks.

He reaches the edge of the water and finds a good spot where the cherry trees are hanging over the path.Then he takes the loaf of bread and the printout out of his bag. Unwrapping the bread, he puts the plastic back into his bag, although it isn’t like he hasn’t committed far worse sins than littering. There is a reason why he’d bought the largest loaf of bread he could find at the supermarket. Since each piece of bread symbolizes one sin, he’d have had to tear off really tiny pieces if he’d gotten a smaller loaf.

He stares down at the Hebrew on the printout and begins chanting the centuries-old prayers on it. He did Tashlich every year on Rosh Hashanah, but it had never felt as necessary as this year. Or rather he hadn’t known he had so many sins to cast away until earlier this year. Until April. Until he had been one minute away from launching the helicarriers that would have given Hydra complete control over the world. Until he found out that he had been working for an organization founded by the people who had murdered millions of Jews, including members of his own family. He doesn’t know their names, what they looked like, or how they had died, but he imagines he can see their faces looking down upon him in judgement. Judgement that is fully warranted. What right does he have to stand here, below SHIELD’s - below Hydra’s - headquarters and think he can cast away his sins? How presumptuous is he, to eat apples and honey in hopes of a sweet new year? What right does he have to pray to be inscribed in the Book of Life?

He doesn’t know how long how long he spends throwing bread into the water and thinking of everything he’s done wrong over the previous year. Certainly he spends longer on Tashlich than ever before. Finally, he drops the last piece of bread into the water. He doesn’t feel any less guilty, doesn’t feel like his sins have been washed away, but, somehow, he does feel slightly better. He might not feel like he has the right to throw away his sins, but he at least feels like a Jew again. He feels able to join with the rest of the Jewish community during the next two days of prayer. He turns around, leaving the Tidal Basin behind him, and slowly begins the trip towards his synagogue.


End file.
